Changed Forever!! 2018

I can’t believe that I’m blogging at 2am and I have to get up at 9am for church! I better do it now, because, I probably won’t have time to later. The 31st is my brothers birthday anyway, so I might as well blog now while I have time! I can’t believe he is going to be 17!! Crazy! On with the blog…..

Long before 2018 started, I started telling all of my friends “2018 is the year I’m going to change for the good! By the end of 2018, I am going to be a different person!”

I was ready to change, but I wasn’t ready for the things that would make me change. I was tired of the devil controlling my life and my spiritual life. I was ready to do whatever it took to change for the good. But little did I know what God was going to bring me through to change me. God, wanted to see if I was really willing to change, and I was! I was willing to do whatever he wanted!

But, he pushed me to my knees! But, he NEVER gave me more than I could handle. Every time I was about to give up God would give me a little more Grace to get through my trial. If I could go back and change anything I went through in 2018, I wouldn’t change anything!! It was the worst year I’ve been through, but it was also the best year!

Now, I know what you are all thinking, “How could it be the worst year and the best year at the same time?”

Well, like this…. I was determined to change before the end of 2018! And, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy in any way, shape, or form. But, I wanted it that bad!! So, I knew, I was going to be tested and tried. I knew, I was going to have to go through the fire. I was ready, (Kinda, lol). And then, God said, “Okay”…….. Little did I know what I just walked into!! It wasn’t that bad at the first of the year it really started about May and that’s when things started to changed. God, wanted me to get EVERYTHING out of the way, so he could work on me without me leaning on anything else. He wanted me to learn how to trust him, and not lean on the worldly things that were dragging me down. So, I finally got rid of everything that was holding me back (or so I thought). I’m not going to lie it was really hard! But, I could tell things were slowly changing for the good! And, then June came!! Oh, Lord!! So, in June I started to tell I wasn’t myself anymore. I wasn’t really happy and I couldn’t talk to my family without being a stuck up jerk. Not joking! And, then my church Camp rolled around, and yet again, I was determined to get what I needed at Camp! Camp goes from Tuesday-Friday we all go home Friday night. And, it was Friday night and I still didn’t get what I needed! I was fighting with my 2 best friends which was weird, because in the 4 years we had been friends we had NEVER had a fight! The last night at camp during church I cried my eyes out, and I prayed “God, do WHATEVER it takes for me to get my breakthrough!” I really thought I was going to get what I needed at camp, but here I was on the last night of camp and nothing had changed…. And, I went home that Friday night VERY VERY disappointed in myself! I didn’t know what I needed to do for me to not be angry all the time, and be able to talk to my family, again. I came home and went to bed because out of the 3 nights I was there I only slept 1 in a half, not joking! When Friday came I thought I was dead, lol. Anyway, I woke up Saturday, and that’s when my world just fell completely apart. (Or that is how it felt to me). Saturday, my parents told me I could no longer be friends with my 2 best friends, I could not talk to them or sit by them or anything. When they said that my heart just dropped…… The friends I had known personally for 4 years, we had grown to love each other like sisters. We talked everyday, all day! In that moment I felt like everyone even God was against me. My parents explained why I couldn’t talk to them anymore, and in that moment I didn’t understand but now, I do. The next few weeks was the hardest of my life! I would see my friends and it hurt so bad not to be able to go and talk to them. Anyway, the weeks and months went by and I started to notice that I wasn’t angry anymore and I could talk to my family again without being a jerk! And, then I remembered what I prayed that Friday night at camp. And, that is the moment when everything fell into place, and God gave me a peace about what happened. Yes, it still hurts…. Yes, I still lay in bed thinking about my 2 best friends… But, God answered my prayer!! He didn’t do it the way I thought he would. But, he is God, not me! I’m actually happy, again!! Even though, It happened the way it did, I don’t know if I would change anything, Because this taught me lessons I will NEVER forget!!

And, that is how 2018 was the worst year and best year of my life! So, here we are with only 1 day, 23 minutes, and 30 seconds left of 2018! And, I couldn’t be anymore happier! (I can’t wait until 2018 is OVER…lol)

I’ve been through a lot in 2018, but I have accomplished what I set out to do. I said, I was going to be a changed person by the end of 2018, and I definitely am! Only by the Grace of God!!! He gets ALL the Glory!! I don’t think I was completely ready for what God had in store for me, but he brought me through it!

I don’t know what 2019 holds for me, but I’m more than ready for it!! If it was anything like this year….. Lord, help me, lol! Nah, I’ll be fine!! I was born 3 in a half months early, with 3 holes in my heart, and I only weighed 2.2 pounds! I’m a fighter!! Nothin’ will hold me down!! Besides, I want to see what else God has for me!

I hope you all enjoyed my LONG story! Sorry, it was so long. Well, it is currently 4am and if I don’t go to bed now I will not be able to get up at 9am in the morning. Thank you all for reading and following my crazy blog. I hope you all have a incredible New Year! Love you all!! God Bless!

See ya’ll in 2019!!!❤😜

God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!!

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Merry Christmas

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Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope you all have had a awesome Christmas. I hope you made lasting memories with friends and family! Enjoy the rest of 2018, and make the best of it. And don’t forget about the one who was born, and died for you!! Thank you for reading and have a Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year!!

It’s beginning to look like Christmas!!🎄

2 days until Christmas, Ya’ll!! 🤗 And it is, currently, 55°F outside.😂 Oklahoma doesn’t know it’s supposed to be cold, right now.

Other than the weather, it is (kinda) starting to feel like Christmas. All of the Christmas music, wrapped gifts, and shopping, it is feeling like Christmas!!

I hope you all have an incredible Christmas! Filled with Love, family, and lasting memories!❤🎄 Love Ya’ll!❣

Question of the day: What is your favorite Christmas memory?!?

Sleep……💤

Ya’ll…… I. Can. Not. Sleep. 😂😭

It is 4:30am and i won’t be able to sleep until i write about what is on my mind, or just write about random things. I hate when i get in these moods. Do you ever get in those kind of moods?! 🤔 Just me?? I thought so…..😂

Literally, me!!😂🤦‍♀️

Anyway, how have ya’ll been? I hope you are enjoying the rest of 2018!! I seriously can’t believe we only have 9 more days left of 2018! How did the year go by so fast?!

On another note: I TURN 16 NEXT YEAR!!! I can’t wait!! And i can’t believe I’ll be 16…. Like for real…. How?!😨 I will be able to get my lerner’s permit in February!!🤗 The excitement is REAL, Ya’ll!! But, I’m also one of those teenagers that doesn’t want to grow up. I want my driver’s license, but i DON’T want to be an adult….🙅‍♀️🚫 Nope…. I love being a kid!😂😜 #kidatheartforever

Teen Creed: Don’t let your parents down…. They brought you up. Be humble enough to obey….. You may be giving orders someday. Choose companions with care…. You become what they are. Choose only a date…. Who would make a good mate. Don’t show-off when you drive….. Drive with safety and arrive. Guard your thoughts….. What you think, you are. Be master of your habits…. Or they will Master you. Don’t let the crowd pressure you…. Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.

I found that the other day and i really like it!!

Well, I’m not sure what this post was all about But, i hope you liked it.😂 It is now, 5:20am and i think I’ll try to go to sleep.💤👋

Yep….🙋‍♀️

4 years gone in 10 minutes……

Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just said “i used to.”

I never thought it would end like this. We were supposed to be best friends forever!! We had gotten so close. We had made SO MANY MEMORIES!! We talked everyday, but now it’s been 6 months since I’ve even gotten to say “hi” to you. And, what hurts the most is when I walk by you, I can’t even say a word to you. I’ve lost so many friends, but never like this. I thought I would be over it by now, but I’m not. It still takes the breath out of me when I see you standing there and i can’t talk to you.

Once Best Friends…. Now Strangers with Memories.

I still have questions….

  • “Why did it happen this way.”
  • “Could I have done something different?!”
  • “Do you hurt like I hurt.”
  • “Does it even bother you?!”
  • “Have you cried as much as me?!”
  • “Do you regret our friendship?!”
  • “Do you wish we never got so close?!”
  • “Do you still think about me, they way I think about you?!”
  • “Will we ever be friends again??”
  • “Will we ever be able to talk again??”

I know you don’t understand. I’m not sure I completely understand. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around what happened, and why it happened. But, I just have to, I guess. If I had to do it all over again, I don’t even know what I would change…… If I could even change anything.

I don’t know if I will ever quit missing you, and how close we were. All of the moments we had together is now just a memory.

“One of the hardest things you will have to do is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.”

I never thought we would have to go through something like this. When I see you I try to act like I’m fine. But, I’m really falling apart on the inside. No one really knows how I feel but you, and I can’t even talk to you. I don’t even know if you are hurting the way I am. There have been lots of sleepless nights of thinking about you. Have you done the same for me?! I guess, I will never know….. Have you cried as many tears as i have?? I guess, i will never know. I hope you are dealing with it better than i am. I’ll always love you!! Even if i can’t say it to your face…..

Some people want material things. Me, I just want peace, happy times and people who love me.