If I could take back the last 1-2 years I would. My eyes have been opened to see the truth in the darkness.
I’ve made the biggest mistake I’ll ever make. I hurt my Mom/family. Deeply.
I was caught up into a friendship that if I could, I would, take it back so I wouldn’t have hurt my Mom/family the way I did.
I was to caught up into having a pity party for myself and saying everything and anything to get attention from these 2 friends. (Even if what I was saying wasn’t the truth). I would take it back in a heart beat.
Family – A group of people, usually of the same blood, who genuinely love, trust, care about, and look out for each other. REAL FAMILY is a bondage that cannot be broken by any means.
This whole friendship has changed me and my view of friendships. My view of friendships will never be the same. I was in such a dark place. I was NEVER happy. I wasn’t a very pleasant person to be around. I just wasn’t myself. And God slowly started opening my eyes to how I was acting. And it wasn’t until June 2018 that something changed. I was so tired of being unhappy, (which is not me) I’m always happy!! I’m just genuinely a happy person. So me being mad all the time and me not being happy pushed me to my limit. And June 2018 was the last month I ever felt like that. God has completely set me free from that deep depression, anger, sadness, madness, etc. I’m back to my normal self. I had been in that state of depression (I guess you would call it that) for probably close to 2 years. And these past (almost) 9 months has been the best 9 months of my life in a long time! I almost forgot what it was like to be happy.
But, over these past 9 months I’ve had a lot of time to reflect back on my actions and what I did and said. And I can truly say, I regret it.
I regret hurting my mom, my dad, my brother and my grandparents. I’ve always been taught family is everything. And, I can see it now.
I wasted almost 2 years of my life hurting my family. My life. My support. My love. My only family. My everything. And if I could take it back I would. There is no words that can repair what I did. But, I can do my very best to rebuild our relationships. And, that’s what I’ve been doing the last 9 months.
So, if you get anything out of this post get this… Don’t hurt the ones closest to you. They are the ONLY family you have and will ever have. When it comes down to it friends don’t matter over your family. Your family raised you, taught you what you know today, helped you, gave you what you needed, etc. So WHY hurt them?!
Yet again, I have learned a hard lesson the hard way. But at least I won’t forget it, and will try my very best to NEVER do it again. I will always feel like I owe something to my family because all of what I’ve done, and, I do. I have a lot of work to do to fix what I’ve broken but with God’s help I will do it.
You will never really appreciate happiness until you’ve felt sadness.
God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!!!