The worst mistake I’ve ever made.

If I could take back the last 1-2 years I would. My eyes have been opened to see the truth in the darkness.

I’ve made the biggest mistake I’ll ever make. I hurt my Mom/family. Deeply.

I was caught up into a friendship that if I could, I would, take it back so I wouldn’t have hurt my Mom/family the way I did.

I was to caught up into having a pity party for myself and saying everything and anything to get attention from these 2 friends. (Even if what I was saying wasn’t the truth). I would take it back in a heart beat.

Family – A group of people, usually of the same blood, who genuinely love, trust, care about, and look out for each other. REAL FAMILY is a bondage that cannot be broken by any means.

This whole friendship has changed me and my view of friendships. My view of friendships will never be the same. I was in such a dark place. I was NEVER happy. I wasn’t a very pleasant person to be around. I just wasn’t myself. And God slowly started opening my eyes to how I was acting. And it wasn’t until June 2018 that something changed. I was so tired of being unhappy, (which is not me) I’m always happy!! I’m just genuinely a happy person. So me being mad all the time and me not being happy pushed me to my limit. And June 2018 was the last month I ever felt like that. God has completely set me free from that deep depression, anger, sadness, madness, etc. I’m back to my normal self. I had been in that state of depression (I guess you would call it that) for probably close to 2 years. And these past (almost) 9 months has been the best 9 months of my life in a long time! I almost forgot what it was like to be happy.

But, over these past 9 months I’ve had a lot of time to reflect back on my actions and what I did and said. And I can truly say, I regret it.

I regret hurting my mom, my dad, my brother and my grandparents. I’ve always been taught family is everything. And, I can see it now.

I wasted almost 2 years of my life hurting my family. My life. My support. My love. My only family. My everything. And if I could take it back I would. There is no words that can repair what I did. But, I can do my very best to rebuild our relationships. And, that’s what I’ve been doing the last 9 months.

So, if you get anything out of this post get this… Don’t hurt the ones closest to you. They are the ONLY family you have and will ever have. When it comes down to it friends don’t matter over your family. Your family raised you, taught you what you know today, helped you, gave you what you needed, etc. So WHY hurt them?!

Yet again, I have learned a hard lesson the hard way. But at least I won’t forget it, and will try my very best to NEVER do it again. I will always feel like I owe something to my family because all of what I’ve done, and, I do. I have a lot of work to do to fix what I’ve broken but with God’s help I will do it.

You will never really appreciate happiness until you’ve felt sadness.

~Vanessa Williams

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!!!

18 thoughts on “The worst mistake I’ve ever made.

  1. What a raw and emotional post. Thank you for sharing. Do you have any advice for people on the opposite end of the equation? While you were in this dark time, what do you think your family could have done to best serve you and help bring you out of it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading!❤

      I would have to say if you were a parent or a friend watching another friend go through this my advice would be try to show them your part of view and try to show them what the friendship is doing to them and the people around them. And definitely pray about it!! Sometimes all you can do is ask God to open their eyes to see what is really happening and that people are getting hurt. And just slowly try to help them exit that friendship without it being so dramatic (if possible).

      I hope that helps!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing… no one has a book that teaches how to live life.. “There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ― Nancy Stephan

    Life is a learning experience and one has to play the cards that were dealt to them at the time and learn from it… 🙂

    “No one can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending” Maria Robinson

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Praise God His light came upon you for this! And I know you hurt because you hurt them, but I’ve done the same thing. I can only imagine what I put my grandma through when I was chasing bad women and drinking every chance I got. I will never forget right before I went in the army to basic training, she told me I was a selfish person. She was right.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I agree with the last comment. You are growing and learning. It’s one thing to make a mistake and another thing to acknowledge our mistake and change for the better. You have done this and God will restore what needs to be restored❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sometimes it’s just not easy to be happy. It sounds like you’ve grown a lot in the past 9 months. I hope you see all the good in your beautiful self. 💛

    Liked by 3 people

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