I can’t believe that I’m blogging at 2am and I have to get up at 9am for church! I better do it now, because, I probably won’t have time to later. The 31st is my brothers birthday anyway, so I might as well blog now while I have time! I can’t believe he is going to be 17!! Crazy! On with the blog…..
Long before 2018 started, I started telling all of my friends “2018 is the year I’m going to change for the good! By the end of 2018, I am going to be a different person!”
I was ready to change, but I wasn’t ready for the things that would make me change. I was tired of the devil controlling my life and my spiritual life. I was ready to do whatever it took to change for the good. But little did I know what God was going to bring me through to change me. God, wanted to see if I was really willing to change, and I was! I was willing to do whatever he wanted!
But, he pushed me to my knees! But, he NEVER gave me more than I could handle. Every time I was about to give up God would give me a little more Grace to get through my trial. If I could go back and change anything I went through in 2018, I wouldn’t change anything!! It was the worst year I’ve been through, but it was also the best year!
Now, I know what you are all thinking, “How could it be the worst year and the best year at the same time?”
Well, like this…. I was determined to change before the end of 2018! And, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy in any way, shape, or form. But, I wanted it that bad!! So, I knew, I was going to be tested and tried. I knew, I was going to have to go through the fire. I was ready, (Kinda, lol). And then, God said, “Okay”…….. Little did I know what I just walked into!! It wasn’t that bad at the first of the year it really started about May and that’s when things started to changed. God, wanted me to get EVERYTHING out of the way, so he could work on me without me leaning on anything else. He wanted me to learn how to trust him, and not lean on the worldly things that were dragging me down. So, I finally got rid of everything that was holding me back (or so I thought). I’m not going to lie it was really hard! But, I could tell things were slowly changing for the good! And, then June came!! Oh, Lord!! So, in June I started to tell I wasn’t myself anymore. I wasn’t really happy and I couldn’t talk to my family without being a stuck up jerk. Not joking! And, then my church Camp rolled around, and yet again, I was determined to get what I needed at Camp! Camp goes from Tuesday-Friday we all go home Friday night. And, it was Friday night and I still didn’t get what I needed! I was fighting with my 2 best friends which was weird, because in the 4 years we had been friends we had NEVER had a fight! The last night at camp during church I cried my eyes out, and I prayed “God, do WHATEVER it takes for me to get my breakthrough!” I really thought I was going to get what I needed at camp, but here I was on the last night of camp and nothing had changed…. And, I went home that Friday night VERY VERY disappointed in myself! I didn’t know what I needed to do for me to not be angry all the time, and be able to talk to my family, again. I came home and went to bed because out of the 3 nights I was there I only slept 1 in a half, not joking! When Friday came I thought I was dead, lol. Anyway, I woke up Saturday, and that’s when my world just fell completely apart. (Or that is how it felt to me). Saturday, my parents told me I could no longer be friends with my 2 best friends, I could not talk to them or sit by them or anything. When they said that my heart just dropped…… The friends I had known personally for 4 years, we had grown to love each other like sisters. We talked everyday, all day! In that moment I felt like everyone even God was against me. My parents explained why I couldn’t talk to them anymore, and in that moment I didn’t understand but now, I do. The next few weeks was the hardest of my life! I would see my friends and it hurt so bad not to be able to go and talk to them. Anyway, the weeks and months went by and I started to notice that I wasn’t angry anymore and I could talk to my family again without being a jerk! And, then I remembered what I prayed that Friday night at camp. And, that is the moment when everything fell into place, and God gave me a peace about what happened. Yes, it still hurts…. Yes, I still lay in bed thinking about my 2 best friends… But, God answered my prayer!! He didn’t do it the way I thought he would. But, he is God, not me! I’m actually happy, again!! Even though, It happened the way it did, I don’t know if I would change anything, Because this taught me lessons I will NEVER forget!!
And, that is how 2018 was the worst year and best year of my life! So, here we are with only 1 day, 23 minutes, and 30 seconds left of 2018! And, I couldn’t be anymore happier! (I can’t wait until 2018 is OVER…lol)
I’ve been through a lot in 2018, but I have accomplished what I set out to do. I said, I was going to be a changed person by the end of 2018, and I definitely am! Only by the Grace of God!!! He gets ALL the Glory!! I don’t think I was completely ready for what God had in store for me, but he brought me through it!
I don’t know what 2019 holds for me, but I’m more than ready for it!! If it was anything like this year….. Lord, help me, lol! Nah, I’ll be fine!! I was born 3 in a half months early, with 3 holes in my heart, and I only weighed 2.2 pounds! I’m a fighter!! Nothin’ will hold me down!! Besides, I want to see what else God has for me!
I hope you all enjoyed my LONG story! Sorry, it was so long. Well, it is currently 4am and if I don’t go to bed now I will not be able to get up at 9am in the morning. Thank you all for reading and following my crazy blog. I hope you all have a incredible New Year! Love you all!! God Bless!
See ya’ll in 2019!!!❤😜
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!!