The Hardest Goodbye Ever…

This is a post I never wanted to have to make, especially in these circumstances….

I don’t even know really where to start….

My heart is still heavy and broken…

Let me start at the beginning…

We noticed Naughty (my dog) wasn’t feeling very good… we watched her and over a course of a few days she went downhill very fast. She began to have a hard time breathing and she didn’t want to drink very much or eat very much… I had a feeling her time was coming and I didn’t know if she would make it through the night. As I laid in bed with tears streaming down my face as I petted Naughty and watched her to make sure she didn’t stop beathing. I kept my hand on her body the whole night just to make sure she was okay… It was a restless night… I only fell asleep for 1 hour and 15 minutes…

My sleepless night.

We decided to take her to the vet on February 20 (the next morning).

As I was holding Naughty on the way to the vet she was so calm during the car ride. (Side note: Naughty always was scared during car rides… ) but during this car ride she was so calm and she even wanted to look out the widow and see things. I helped her up, so she could look out the window. It was like she knew it was her last car ride and she wanted to enjoy it…

Naughty looking out the window

We got to the vet and they worked us into their schedule. We got in a room and they did an X-ray and blood work… The vet told us straight up it wasn’t good… He was honest and didn’t sugar-coat anything. He came back and told us what the X-ray said… He said there was fluid around her lungs, not in her lungs, but around her lungs. We talked and talked and we told the vet to take some of the fluid around her lungs out to see what kind of fluid it was… was it clear, pus, or what? Our next step was based on what kind of fluid was around her lungs… The fluid around her lungs is what made it hard for her to breathe.

I was honestly expecting it to be a clear fluid…

Waiting for the results…

The vet went and pulled some fluid and came back and showed us the syringe full of the fluid around her lungs… It was pure blood. The fluid around her lungs was blood… and when he walked in the room with the syringe full of blood my heart just dropped to the floor… I knew what was coming… the vet explained to us that she most likely had a tumor on her lungs and it ruptured or ripped and that is what was causing the blood to be around her lungs and leek into her abdomen. He told us honestly “even if we did everything to save her she wouldn’t have the quality of life she deserves”…

And as my dad said with tears streaming down his face “We have to put her down…)”

I didn’t want to believe it…

The vet asked if we wanted to be with her when she passed my dad said “I’ve seen it done before, I don’t want to see it again…” and the vet turned to me and asked me if I wanted to be with her and I said “no…”…

I know that might not make sense to people, but let me explain. why I didn’t want to be with her…

Number one: I couldn’t bare to watch the life slowly drain out of her.

Number two: I didn’t want that to be the last memory I had of her.

I did want to be with her, but I just couldn’t bare to see that. My heart was with her through it all…

After we told the vet we didn’t want to be with her the vet started walking out of the room and I asked if I could go say bye to her one last time… He said “yes, you can actually go to the back and see her”. So me and my dad went to the back of the building and said goodbye… as my dad was taking care of the business part of things, I was loving on Naughty. I picked her up and held her one last time… I told her I loved her and would see her up in Heaven one day. I told her I was sorry that it had to end this way. After my dad got done with everything he came over there and told Naughty goodbye.

As reality slowly started to set in I realized I couldn’t just keep standing there not wanting to leave…I wanted to just pick her up and run and everything would be okay, but I couldn’t… Everything wasn’t going to be okay…

As I told myself “you have to let her go… it’s for her best” I made myself tell her “goodbye” for the last time…

This is the very last picture I got to take of Naughty…..πŸ’”πŸ’”

As I took my hat off, I gave her one last hug & kiss and told her I loved her and walked away….

Unless, you have had to walk away from your pet knowing they are about to be put down, you can’t even comprehend the pain that it causes you. A pet, a family member you have had for 13 years and having to say goodbye to them and walk away and then leave them with people they don’t know and know what those people are about to do… you can’t even put into words the kind of pain that hits you… guilt, shame, regret, heartbreak…

With my hat in hand, we walked out of the vet and started the long drive home…

We got in the car and with tears streaming down both of our faces, my dad hugged me and kissed my head….

As we headed home, I put my head on the head rest with tears streaming down my face and just went numb… And as of today, February 25, I am still numb.

February 20, 2021 I said goodbye to a best friend, comforter, my joy, my life, a piece of my heart….

I never want to experience that again….

Here is a video I made in honor of Naughty’s life….

Turn your volume up

I’ve had a lot of dogs in my life and I’ve lost a lot of dogs… but their is a different kind of pain that comes with having to make the decision to put one of your pets down….

I’m probably not going to be blogging for a little bit…. I still haven’t processed everything and I’m still in the “Numb” stage of grief…. it will probably be a long process of healing.

Anyways, I ask y’all to keep my family in your prayers as we try to heal. We actually just lost our other dog Sassy barely 1 year ago, so to lose 2 pets within a 2 year period is very hard. So prayers are appreciated….

(Extra: A lot of people don’t think there is pets or animals in Heaven. That is your opinion…and I respect that, but I believe there is pets in Heaven and we will see our pets again one day…. I mean, why would God create these incredible animals and then when they die they just disappear and we never see them again? I don’t know, I just think there will be pets and animals in Heaven… Judge me if you want, but I look forward to getting up to Heaven one day and getting to see all my pets I have lost… Sugar, Jazzy, Trixie, Sassy, Naughty, just to name a few… that isn’t even all of them. I can’t wait to get to heaven and see all my beloved pets start running towards me again and getting to hug and kiss them again…❀)

My note to Naughty:

Hey, Naughty girl… I wish I could’ve just picked you up off that table and went home and everything would’ve been okay… but you was sicker than we knew. I’m sorry, I couldn’t have been with you when you crossed that Rainbow Bridge, but I think you knew I wanted to be with you. I’m sorry, I had to leave you there… Anyways, how is Jazzy, Sassy, & Trixie doing? I’m sure y’all are up there in Heaven having a party… running and playing like never before. Just know Naughty, that I love you and I’m sorry it had to end this way. I guess, God needed you to come home sooner than we wanted you to… Make sure you save me a spot up there in Heaven, because I’ll meet you up there some day alongside all your sisters. Thank you for a great 13 years with you, Naughty!! I love you Naughty, I’ll see you soon….❀❀)

I actually had a little photoshoot with Naughty the night before she passed and the morning of her passing… so I’m glad I got a few more pictures of her.

She never really liked the camera…

~Vanessa W

RIP ~ Naughty 2008~2021

It’s cold….

Hey, everyone! How are y’all liking this cold weather?! It is cold…. like real cold….πŸ₯Ά

I started my Tuesday by sitting in a zoom meeting alone and then realizing that my meeting wasn’t until tomorrow…..πŸ˜‚πŸ’€ I died laughing once I realized why the other person wasn’t joining.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

After that I went outside for a very little bit (like 5 minutes tops) to get some photos of all the ice on the trees and stuff.

(Side note: all of the photos in this post have been taken with my new camera)

I don’t like the cold, but it is pretty outside. Around here we don’t see very much of anything around winter time, so it is cool to see snow, ice, etc….

I did a family shoot the other day outside and we all braved the cold… We wanted to do it before the really cold weather showed up. It turned out great, I think this shoot has to be one of my favorites. The family I did the shoot for are like family to me. I have shot college graduation photos, business photos, their wedding, and now I had the honor of shooting their first family pictures with their new baby boy. Who I might add is the cutest little boy ever! I can’t wait to take pictures of this family in the future and watch this little boy grow….

I’m just going to put a couple of photos of the shoot on here….

Such a beautiful family….

They are such a great family!

I have other photo shoots I need to do, but the weather has put a hold on that for the mean time.πŸ˜‘


Here are just some random photos I have taken just goofing off…

It looks like the one pinned down is dying but he’s not lol… they are just playing. Yes, the dog on top is biting the other dogs neck, but he’s fine lol.
My blue boy…
What do you smell, buddy?πŸ˜‚
This one….πŸ˜πŸ˜‚ If you only knew my dog (the chihuahua) you would understand why this picture is so funny. Can you see the hate on her face?!πŸ˜‚
I was sitting outside waiting for a bird to fly over or something and the whole 30+ minutes I was outside there was no bird in sight, but just prior to me going outside they were everywhere….πŸ˜‘ So I took a picture of my boot…πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ
These boots…. They’ve been with me on some of my craziest adventures and some of my greatest memories, I now hold dear to me. They are the boots I wore when I got to step into my first rodeo arena. They are the boots that have been with me on many photoshoots. They are the boots that I almost got killed in…πŸ˜‚ I love my boots.😍
Outside in the pitch black taking pictures.πŸ˜‚

That’s all for now… I hope you all are doing great and staying warm and safe. ❀ Love y’all!

~Vanessa W

God provides

Hey, everyone! I can’t believe we are almost done with January…. I hope January 2021 has been good to you.

Over the past year I’ve been saving my money to be able to buy a new camera. I already had a camera, but as all good photographers know, you need at least 2 cameras if you are going to do photography full-time.

I researched, researched, and did more researching about what camera to get and which one would fit me best as a photographer and business owner.

I finally found the one I wanted… a Canon 77D with a 18-135 mm lens…. the more I looked at it the more I fell in love.

I saved and saved which felt like forever, but over the past few months God opened doors for me and God provided the extra money I needed to get my new camera.

I am so thankful that I was able to buy my second camera. I have always worked and saved for all of my own equipment, I don’t want to be handed everything, because if I am then it won’t mean that much to me.

My camera came in today and all of my work and determination was worth saving to get that camera in my hands….

Here is my second baby….

That flip screen tho😍
I’m in love with the lens too😍

Ahhh, I love it!

Of course, I had to go take pictures with it. So I went outside in the bitter cold and tried to find things to take pictures of.

Here is what I found…

That’s all I found to photograph….

I’m beyond thankful for God allowing me to get this csmera and add to all the gear I have.

I’m sure you will see more photos to come from this camera!

God provides!!

~Vanessa W

I’m done!!

Welp… It’s official.

I. AM. DONE. WITH. HIGH. SCHOOL. !!!!!

wooow….

If you knew my story of everything I had to go through to get here you would be just as excited as I am, right now. I had a lot of challenges, but I overcome with God’s help and I am now able to say, I finished High School, my biggest battle under my feet…πŸ’ƒπŸ™ŒπŸΌ

I didn’t expect to get hit with all these emotions at once, but it did just become real.

I’m no longer a kid anymore. I have to face the real world…😳

Now all I have to wait is for my graduation ceremony! Y’all help me pray I actually get to walk across the stage and get my diploma. With covid mine might be canceled just like my brothers was… Lord please don’t let that happen!!

I will graduate at the end of May or the beginning of June somewhere around then…

I will make a post on or the day after my graduation, so stay tuned.

Until then…. I will enjoy my last few months of pure FREEDOM before I have to face the real world.πŸ€ͺπŸ₯³

Class of 2021!

~Vanessa W

It’s finally finished….

Hello, my wonderful people of the world. I hope 2021 is treating you good!

I’ve been working for at least a few months to build my own photography website and I’m glad to say it is finally done!

Yaaayyy!!πŸŽŠπŸ™ŒπŸΌ *praise break*

I got frustrated with it several times, but I got it done finally.

Those of you who love my photographs and want to stay updated on my photographs, you can go and follow my website.

Here is my website: http://vwphotography01.wordpress.com

Feel free to follow me as I keep growing my business…. I currently have 3 followers, so I’m struggling a little on the followers.πŸ˜‚

That’s it… I hope y’all have a great week!β€πŸ˜‰

~Vanessa W