This is a post I never wanted to have to make, especially in these circumstances….
I don’t even know really where to start….
My heart is still heavy and broken…
Let me start at the beginning…
We noticed Naughty (my dog) wasn’t feeling very good… we watched her and over a course of a few days she went downhill very fast. She began to have a hard time breathing and she didn’t want to drink very much or eat very much… I had a feeling her time was coming and I didn’t know if she would make it through the night. As I laid in bed with tears streaming down my face as I petted Naughty and watched her to make sure she didn’t stop beathing. I kept my hand on her body the whole night just to make sure she was okay… It was a restless night… I only fell asleep for 1 hour and 15 minutes…
We decided to take her to the vet on February 20 (the next morning).
As I was holding Naughty on the way to the vet she was so calm during the car ride. (Side note: Naughty always was scared during car rides… ) but during this car ride she was so calm and she even wanted to look out the widow and see things. I helped her up, so she could look out the window. It was like she knew it was her last car ride and she wanted to enjoy it…
We got to the vet and they worked us into their schedule. We got in a room and they did an X-ray and blood work… The vet told us straight up it wasn’t good… He was honest and didn’t sugar-coat anything. He came back and told us what the X-ray said… He said there was fluid around her lungs, not in her lungs, but around her lungs. We talked and talked and we told the vet to take some of the fluid around her lungs out to see what kind of fluid it was… was it clear, pus, or what? Our next step was based on what kind of fluid was around her lungs… The fluid around her lungs is what made it hard for her to breathe.
I was honestly expecting it to be a clear fluid…
The vet went and pulled some fluid and came back and showed us the syringe full of the fluid around her lungs… It was pure blood. The fluid around her lungs was blood… and when he walked in the room with the syringe full of blood my heart just dropped to the floor… I knew what was coming… the vet explained to us that she most likely had a tumor on her lungs and it ruptured or ripped and that is what was causing the blood to be around her lungs and leek into her abdomen. He told us honestly “even if we did everything to save her she wouldn’t have the quality of life she deserves”…
And as my dad said with tears streaming down his face “We have to put her down…)”
I didn’t want to believe it…
The vet asked if we wanted to be with her when she passed my dad said “I’ve seen it done before, I don’t want to see it again…” and the vet turned to me and asked me if I wanted to be with her and I said “no…”…
I know that might not make sense to people, but let me explain. why I didn’t want to be with her…
Number one: I couldn’t bare to watch the life slowly drain out of her.
Number two: I didn’t want that to be the last memory I had of her.
I did want to be with her, but I just couldn’t bare to see that. My heart was with her through it all…
After we told the vet we didn’t want to be with her the vet started walking out of the room and I asked if I could go say bye to her one last time… He said “yes, you can actually go to the back and see her”. So me and my dad went to the back of the building and said goodbye… as my dad was taking care of the business part of things, I was loving on Naughty. I picked her up and held her one last time… I told her I loved her and would see her up in Heaven one day. I told her I was sorry that it had to end this way. After my dad got done with everything he came over there and told Naughty goodbye.
As reality slowly started to set in I realized I couldn’t just keep standing there not wanting to leave…I wanted to just pick her up and run and everything would be okay, but I couldn’t… Everything wasn’t going to be okay…
As I told myself “you have to let her go… it’s for her best” I made myself tell her “goodbye” for the last time…
As I took my hat off, I gave her one last hug & kiss and told her I loved her and walked away….
Unless, you have had to walk away from your pet knowing they are about to be put down, you can’t even comprehend the pain that it causes you. A pet, a family member you have had for 13 years and having to say goodbye to them and walk away and then leave them with people they don’t know and know what those people are about to do… you can’t even put into words the kind of pain that hits you… guilt, shame, regret, heartbreak…
With my hat in hand, we walked out of the vet and started the long drive home…
We got in the car and with tears streaming down both of our faces, my dad hugged me and kissed my head….
As we headed home, I put my head on the head rest with tears streaming down my face and just went numb… And as of today, February 25, I am still numb.
February 20, 2021 I said goodbye to a best friend, comforter, my joy, my life, a piece of my heart….
I never want to experience that again….
Here is a video I made in honor of Naughty’s life….
I’ve had a lot of dogs in my life and I’ve lost a lot of dogs… but their is a different kind of pain that comes with having to make the decision to put one of your pets down….
I’m probably not going to be blogging for a little bit…. I still haven’t processed everything and I’m still in the “Numb” stage of grief…. it will probably be a long process of healing.
Anyways, I ask y’all to keep my family in your prayers as we try to heal. We actually just lost our other dog Sassy barely 1 year ago, so to lose 2 pets within a 2 year period is very hard. So prayers are appreciated….
(Extra: A lot of people don’t think there is pets or animals in Heaven. That is your opinion…and I respect that, but I believe there is pets in Heaven and we will see our pets again one day…. I mean, why would God create these incredible animals and then when they die they just disappear and we never see them again? I don’t know, I just think there will be pets and animals in Heaven… Judge me if you want, but I look forward to getting up to Heaven one day and getting to see all my pets I have lost… Sugar, Jazzy, Trixie, Sassy, Naughty, just to name a few… that isn’t even all of them. I can’t wait to get to heaven and see all my beloved pets start running towards me again and getting to hug and kiss them again…❤)
My note to Naughty:
Hey, Naughty girl… I wish I could’ve just picked you up off that table and went home and everything would’ve been okay… but you was sicker than we knew. I’m sorry, I couldn’t have been with you when you crossed that Rainbow Bridge, but I think you knew I wanted to be with you. I’m sorry, I had to leave you there… Anyways, how is Jazzy, Sassy, & Trixie doing? I’m sure y’all are up there in Heaven having a party… running and playing like never before. Just know Naughty, that I love you and I’m sorry it had to end this way. I guess, God needed you to come home sooner than we wanted you to… Make sure you save me a spot up there in Heaven, because I’ll meet you up there some day alongside all your sisters. Thank you for a great 13 years with you, Naughty!! I love you Naughty, I’ll see you soon….❤❤)
I actually had a little photoshoot with Naughty the night before she passed and the morning of her passing… so I’m glad I got a few more pictures of her.
~Vanessa W
RIP ~ Naughty 2008~2021
